How I fell in love through BlackBerry Messenger

In the 2010s, the BlackBerry and its BlackBerry Messenger (BBM) chat technology were lifelines to friends, family and - for me - Roxi, the woman who would become my future wife. I still smile when I think about the first time those “D” (meaning delivered) and “R” alerts appeared on my screen. That tiny “R” meant she had read my message—and what followed were instant dopamine hits of excitement and anticipation.

BBM created a space where conversations could breathe and grow. Unlike text messages, which were billed per message or limited by tariffs, BBM ran on data, meaning Roxi and I could talk endlessly without watching the clock. The year was 2011, and I wasn’t looking for love. I was introverted and content in my digital bubble, sharing music and stray thoughts online. Then Roxi appeared on Twitter (now X) and, after plucking up the courage to send a DM and ask for her BBM PIN, I was scrolling through her profile on my BlackBerry, drawn in by her big, curly hair, sharp humour, and similar love for underground rap music.

The freedom that BBM offered really mattered back then. Messages felt deliberate rather than rushed, and the soft clicks of the keyboard slowed me down just enough to choose my words carefully. I never imagined those exchanges would move from “D” and “R” to vows and rings, but in hindsight, that old BlackBerry changed my life. BBM made our connection possible for next to no cost, and its alphanumeric PIN system felt like a velvet rope lifting, letting me into Roxi’s world.

I remember the first time she sent me a message on BBM. I sent a simple “hi,” and the “D” appeared. My heart skipped. Moments later, the “R.” From there, the messages flowed beautifully.  I arranged our first date via BBM at the Alice House in West Hampstead. It didn’t go too well. I fidgeted, spilled a drink, and the online chemistry just didn’t translate in person.

"On BlackBerry Messenger, the thread of conversation between two lovers felt more like a personal mixtape. BBM let you fold so easily into someone else's life"

Still, we stayed friends; a decision that changed everything. Over the next year, we talked constantly. Sometimes daily, sometimes picking up weeks later without missing a beat. BBM gently folded us into each other’s lives. Our thread of conversation became a personal mixtape and gallery, with each message providing a new window into the other’s intimate world. And, in 2012, a year after first exchanging PINs, we decided to give “us” a real try. 

By 2019, we got married just yards from the phone shop where I once sold BlackBerry devices. Roxi and I were just the tip of the iceberg. I later came across John and Tara Newby, who made headlines in 2012 for broadcasting their wedding via BBM. They met through CrackBerry, an online BlackBerry community… and somewhere between the chat bubbles, the conversation became something more. As true BlackBerry super fans, they shared their wedding day on BBM with messages and photos. I’m sure there are many other couples out there, too, who were brought together through BlackBerry Messenger. 

"Compared to modern dating apps, BBM was slower and softer. It offered a singular focus between two people"

Compared to modern dating apps, BBM was slower and softer. There were no algorithms, endless swiping or pressure to perform. BBM didn’t optimise connection, rather, it made space for it. Phones weren’t disposable yet, conversations weren’t fragmented, and attention felt rare. Today’s apps promise efficiency but often lack depth. BBM offered a singular focus between two people. Fifteen years on, my BlackBerry Bold is gone and BBM lives mostly in fuzzy memories. But for Roxi and me, now Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell, it made all the difference. Between those “D” and “R” alerts, we found something truly special.